Sunday, November 16, 2008

The Hardest Day

Nobody could of prepared me for the feelings I would have, leaving the hospital without our babies...

November 14, 2008, was the hardest day ever. I thought the first day of being in the hospital was going to be the worst...but that did not compare to the feelings I had when I woke up on Friday morning.

After 2 nights of sneaking over to the NICU at 3am and 4am, I couldn't imagine going home and not being able to just sneak up the hall to see the momos. Just as I was getting "comfortable" at the hospital it was time to go...without the momos.

I know they are in the best care possible better care than I could give them at home right now. After 5 hours of tears, it was finally time to leave. Such a bitter/sweet feeling. Mom and Melissa helped me pack up my "suite" and Everett carted it all out. We went to say our goodbyes to the Momos.

They look so comfortable snuggled up on their bellies. They have had their belly feeding tubes removed...YAY! So they can sleep on their backs and their bellies now and comfortably snuggle their hands under their chins while they are sleeping...it is a sight to see! So cute.

After taking a walk out of the hospital to the rainy cold...and seeing I was missing nothing...I wanted to turn around and run back into room 175! The "outside world" doesn't seem that great anymore...cheaper gas and hot McDonald's fries just don't cut it!

Life at Nana's house has been good to me so far...and we are close to the momos!

-The Momo Momma

6 comments:

Melissa said...

It's Offical you are a Mother....the moment you feel your heart strings pulled when you have to be seperated from you babies is the momment you truly feel the pang of being a mother...
My favorite quote "It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."

Since you've been so creative with your acronym's I'm going to try my hand at it...don't laugh!!!
LEEANN
L-Leaving behind the life she once knew to enter into a whole new world

E-Eager to hold and hear her angels

E-Expressing milk!!...who would have knew!!!...LMAO

A-Awaiting the day she can bring the girls home

N-NST!!! Thank-God for it...

N-Never giving up on Lillian Kennedy and McKenzie London!!

Welcome to motherhood Lee!!
LOVE YA!!!
Mel xoxox

Jennifer said...

My darling Lily:
I read your entry with a smile and a tear...sad and happy for you at the same time.

The good news is, your girls are getting stronger, and you are just down the road. You can plan your days and evenings around your visits and the time will pass quickly.

I am glad you got the package safely, I will have to send you more to read to your babies, so they continue to hear your voice.

Melissa is right you are now a mother, welcome to this wonderful club, if you do it right, you will leave an indelible mark on your children's hearts.

I got just what I need this weekend R&R. I finally found the Persian rug I was looking for, at the price I wanted to pay, and it completely finishes my apartment. I now have a balcony garden, a cosy reading spot, it is amazing what you can do with a small space, paint and some imagination. I may never live in a house again.

I read, listened to music, stretched, cooked a roast dinner, drank too much wine, slept and talked to my sweetie on the phone...it was bliss.

I made the usual promises to myself to do this more often, and of course I will try, but my dance card is full this week the start of the Christmas (must see you for drinks) season has began...fun, fun fun!

My girls are well and send their love to you and your girls. They show more signs of happiness every day. We never know where our lessons in life are going to come from, and out of pain comes peace. Jordan, Eleanor and I have turned a corner. We are actually looking forward to Christmas the way we use to...I couldn't be more happy.

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart. (Helen Keller).

Much love to you and Ev, hold you babies close.
Your lovely aunt Jen xoxoxoxox

Tirzah said...

Oh Leeann!

This is such a wonderful site! Koodos to you for keeping it up an doing it in such detail! I wish I would have known about it sooner. I would have definitely tuned in and made sure to leave you a comment or two. I know how much the simplest words can mean a lot!

Again...Congratulations to you and Ev! And congrats to the girls for getting better and stronger every day!

Be rest assured God has them in His hands just helping them along until they are ready to come home and keep your hands full!

Praying for you and yours,
~Tirzah

Christine said...

Leeann,

You have every right to feel how you do. It's a mother's love!! It's that internal fight and desire we possess to do any and everything for our little ones. You know that they are in good hands, but you can't help but to long to be there. You're entitled to feel that way because they are your babies. And that is where your heart lies.

I truly understand your not wanting to leave the girls if only for a few hours. I didn't return back to work after maternity leave because I couldn't leave my little girl. My first time being away from her for more than (8) hours was when I left for Pgh to be there for my friend that lost her husband. It was a dire situation but I knew that my friend needed me in a different way. Plus, I knew that my little girl would be in good hands with her daddy, whom she adores.

Nonetheless, it was hard for me. And I'm sure it's even harder for you, but they are getting stronger each day. As we see, prayer does work!!!!! Halleujah!!!

And it is a true blessing to have a very supportive husband by your side. I thank GOD continously for my wonderful husband. I'm not saying that I couldn't have done it alone, but I'm fortunate that I didn't have to. To Him be all the Glory, Honor and Praise.

The way I hear you speak of your mother, I know that you are going to be the best mother to Lily and McKenzie. We learn from the best, huh? My mother is the ABSOLUTE GREATEST and I wouldn't change a thing about my upbringing. It made me the loving, caring person that I am today that will give without receiving. And will do my best to lift someone's spirit. Well I give homage to both parents for that. lol

My mom is one of my best friends. Then there is my husband, sister and daughter. Who can ask for anything more:-D

It's amazing how our lives have changed so much for the good. And we thought we had wonderful lives pre-baby. You and I see that "THIS" is the life. Motherhood.

Aww...motherhood. I have never felt this type of love before in my life. I can just hold my little lady for hours and hours. My love for her is unconditional and without barriers. I know you know what I mean. If nothing else, I want my legacy to be that I was a great mother. At least, half of what my mother was/is to me.

Well I better be going. I will be leaving town to go and visit my parents and spend some much needed quality time with everyone. The joy of family. Nothing on this earth means more to me than family. Isn't that what life is all about.

Be sure to relax Lily and McKenzie's mom:-D. The girls need you healthy and well rested. They will be home in now time.

Take care,
JEB's MOM

Imani said...

Hey there!

I know it's hard leaving your babies. Remember I told you my brother was a premie? Well yeah, I watched my mom struggle to leave him at the hospital too. But, at least you can visit frequently.

I'm still so happy for you. God is Good Leeann! Your story is truly inspirational.

Imani said...

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. When my bro was in the hospital we made audio tapes recording ourselves reading him stories so he could hear us even when we weren't there. The nurses gave us that suggestion so he would be used to our voices. This was 15 yrs. ago so I'm not sure if the rules have changed, but it is worth a shot! Hope this helps.